Today I had a meeting with my manager and human resources. The bottom line is, I am no longer capable of fulfilling my role as a primary care dementia practitioner. This is a role I had longed for, and was enjoying immensely. I am so disappointed. It wouldn't be so bad if I was no good in the role, the problem is that I was, and it gave me great satisfaction to work so closely with those living with dementia, and those families/agencies/surgeries who are supporting them in their homes. I have tried everything I can think of over the past year (I first went sick last August) to get myself back to a normal level of functioning. I have no more weapons left in my armoury. A further meeting will be held on August 11th where my contract will be terminated. My manager has been brilliant, she could not have been more supportive, but I can't fulfill my role when I have constant "steroid brain fog", or feel tired all the time. I don't even feel I look presentable anymore. My skin is itching and rashy, my hair is falling out, and I have spider nevi on my face and neck. I have also gained a stone and a half since all this started. I know it can take between 18 months and 3 years to reach remission, and whilst I am pretty much biochemically in remission, clinical remission seems a long way off. I have no choice but to give in to this and just accept that what will be will be.
The good news is, I saw the eye hospital last week, and whilst I still have raised pressure in my eyes, there is no sign of damage to the optic nerve, so no treatment needed.....yet. I have also seen the dematologist, but due to brain fog, can't remember what she said was wrong with my skin, but it's benign and needs no treatment, just stay out of the sun. Due for bloods next week and hep clinic afterwards.

The reason I haven't posted for a few weeks!

I've been busy helping to hand rear 5 puppies over the last 2-3 weeks. Their mother became very ill during labour, had to have a c section and blood transfusion, and was so ill she was unable to be with/feed her pups. So it's been 2-3 hrly feeding/sterilising bottles/washing......general mayhem in our house since then. They are gorgeous, but we are now beginning to resemble zombies. Next week should be even more fun when they start to be weaned! All this whilst we have 5 dogs of our own and a petcare business to run.  I guess its no surprise that I'm VERY tired and aching all over. I am still having a nap in the afternoon, but the last few days I seem to be hitting a brick wall with exhaustion. My joints ache constantly, and my skin is still driving me mad. I only seem to be able to manage for a few hours at a time, then have to rest. I'm also much slower than I used to be before . I have constant brain fog, and keep forgetting things, and sometimes just can't get the right words out. Steroids have a lot to answer for. I can't seem to stop moaning all the time about how I feel, just wish I could be more positive, but it's really hard when every morning is such a struggle and you feel like you're wading through treacle just to get washed and dressed, never mind doing anything else.